Bizarre Bollywood

Hello everyone, I am back with yet another humorous write-up. I was thinking yesterday as to which topic shud I choose for my next post. After thinking for a while, I decided to write something on "Indian Film Industry i.e. Bollywood" from where I get most of my witty ideas. The Indian Film Industry is the largest in the world in terms of ticket sales and number of films produced annually. This industry is 95 years old, with the first silent film named "Raja Harishchandra" hitting the screens in the year 1913.

You must be wondering what is so funny about this topic. Well, after a glorious journey of 95 years, most of the films still have the same story and same dialogue. Aisa lagta hai ki remake ka ye silsila kabhi khatam nahin hone wala hai. Hollywood biggies and old bollywood classics are the main source behind these remakes. Itne saare films banenge to aisa to hona hi hai. Script ped par to ugte nahin ki toda aur shooting karna shuru ho gaye. Isliye yahan wahan se lekar kaam chalana padta hai [:d].

Its quite obvious ki agar itni saari filmein banengi to galtiyan to honi hi hai. Yahi haal hamare film industry ka hai. Bahut saare to aise scenes hote hain jo hazmola khakar bhi hazam nahin hote. Lets have a look at some of them :

1. Hero ko jab goli lagti hai ya jab wo villain se pitayee khata hai to usse zara bhi dard nahin hota hai lekin jab heroine uske zakhmon par marham lagati hai to hero zor ka chillata hai. (Pata nahin director heroine ko dettol ki jagah savlon kab dega [:d])
2. Make-up ek baar lag jaye to kabhi nahin hatta, permanent ho jata hai; chahe barish ya rone dhone ka scene hi kyon na ho. (Lagta hai make-up mein fevicol ka kuch zyada hi use hone laga hai)
3. Villain machine gun se hero par firing karta hai lekin hero ko kuch nahin hota lekin hero apne revolver ke ek goli se 10 gunde ko maar girata hai. (Hero yahan kya kar raha hai?? [:o] Isse to military mein hona chahiye [:p])
4. Hero cycle par sawar hai, phir bhi car se bhag rahe villain ko pakad leta hai (Hero ko to Formula 1 mein participate karna chahiye)
5. Mele mein bichde judwa bhai 20 saal baad family song gaate hue mil jate hain (Jabki wo song humlog film khatam hone ke 2 minute baad bhool jate hain)
and many more.......

Ab to aap samajh hi gaye honge ki agar aise scenes hon to tragedy film dekhte hue bhi aapko hansi aa sakti hai. Moving ahead, now lets talk about the dialogues. Jab sab kuch repeat ho rahe hain, sabke remake ban rahe hain to dialogue bhala peeche kyon rahe. Let me put top 15 ghise pite dialogues in front of you:

15. Mother - “Kya isee din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha” (Pahle ye to batao ki aaj din kaun sa hai?)
14. "Tum mere liye mar chuke ho" (ufff itna gussa sehat ke liye theek nahin hai [:d])
13. "Khabardar jo mujhe haath bhi lagaya to" (Ab kya dettol se haath dhona padega?[:o])
12. Farmer - "Maine is zameen ko apne khoon se seencha hai" ( Kyon is saal baarish nahin hui kya??)
11. Villain - "In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai" (Lagta hai aaj ye toote hue sandle se pitega ya phir sandle tootne tak pitega [:p])
10. "Ab hum kisi ko munh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe" (Kyon kisi ne munh par tezaab phek diya kya??)
9. "Bhagwan, maine aajtak tumse kuch nahin maanga" (To aaj apni shakal lekar is darwaze par kyon aa gaye??)
8. "Aye jee, aap bade wo hain" (Arre pahle koi "woh" ka matlab bhi to batao[:o], dictionary mein bahut dhoonda lekin nahin mila [:d])
7. "Main tumhare bina nahin jee sakta/sakti" (To mar jao, simple[:p])
6. "Maine tumhe kya samjha aur tum kya nikle" (Kyon ye alien lagta hai kya??)
5. "Hato na, log kya kahenge" (Live telecast chal raha hai kya?? [:o][:d])
4. "Is ghar ke darwaze tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hain" (band kar do...munni bai ka kotha kab kaam ayega [:p])
3. Doctor - "24 ghante ke andar agar hosh nahin aaya to....." (Lagta hai bachpan mein fill in the blanks banane mein bahut maza aata tha isse[:d])
2. "Bachaaaoooo" (Kisko bachaoon?? Heroine ko ya villain ko [:d])

and the most famous of all..........

1. "Main tumhare bachhe ki maa banne wali hoon" (Ab samajh mein aaya ki India ka population itni tezi se kaise badh raha hai[:d])

Ufff kaan pak gaye hain aise ghise pite dialogues sun sunkar, director shud cut all these and try to come out with something new everytime.

95 saal ka safar chota nahin hota. Us zamane ke aur aaj ke zamane ke filmon mein kuch similarities bhi hai aur kuch differences bhi. Pahle ki filmon mein hero / heroine ek ped ke neeche gana gaana shuru karte thein aur usee ped ke neeche gana khatam ho jata tha lekin aajkal ke filmon mein hero / heroine 4 minute ke gaane mein 4 naye outfits mein 4 location ghoom aate hain. Yeh to hua difference, ek similarity jo mujhe yaad aa raha hai wo ye hai ki pahle ki filmein silent hua karti thee aur aajkal ki filmon mein jabse Emran Hashmi aur Mallika Sherawat jaise actors aa gaye hain tabse aajkal ki filmein bhi zyadatar silent mode mein hi hoti hain [:d].

Ab actors ki baat start ho hi gayee hai tab thodi nazar in par bhi daal lete hain. Talking about Mallika Sherawat, jab se inhone film industry mein kadam rakha hai tabse hanky ki bahut shortage ho gayee hai. Inke saare outfits 2 hanky mein bane hote hain [:p]. Mujhe to lagta hai ki inhone jaise kasam kha liya ho ki jab tak India ke saare logon ko pahanne ko kapde nahin mil jate tab tak ye poore kapde nahin pahnengi. Aur Emran Hashmi ki jitni tareef ki jaye utni kam hai, inhe to Serial Kisser ka award milna chahiye.

Bollywood ke saare actors apne alag alag andaaz ke liye jaane jate hain. Jaise Salman apne shirt nikalne ke wajah se, Sunny apne 2.5 kilo ke haath ke wajah se, Govinda apni batteesi dikhane ke wajah se, Ajay Devgan apne stunt ke wajah se jaane jate hain. Kuch actors ko unke acting skills ke wajah se naya title bhi mil gaye hain, for instance Shahrukh is also known as King Khan, Aamir as Ace Khan (or Mr. Perfectionist) etc etc.

Lastly, it’s a request from the bollywood industry to stop remakes and ghisa pita dialogues. They shud make more films on real incidents of day to day life, by this we can get rid of those repeated dialogues and get to watch something new everytime.[:)]

Ending today’s talk with the following words : “When you have so much pain in your heart and you want to cry, the only person who can stop you from crying is exactly the same person who made you cry.”


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